Dan Curtis's take on England XI

Why The England Team Are Pants And We Should All Give Up And Go Home, by Dan Curtis

Tres: Flat track bully, lead-footed, mentally weak, man boobs, never scores a run in the second innings
Strauss: Similar to his stocks and shares, can go up or down, currently on a prolonged downer
Cook: Tavare on valium. Crap fielder.
Pietersen: Showbiz six and outer.
Collingwood: Doughty county pro.
Flintoff: Was Botham 81 post captaincy, now Botham 81 pre Brearley.
Jones: Downton (post-bail incident).
Plunkett: worse batting average than Monty.
Hoggard: Won't take a wicket in Oz.
Lewis: As above.
Monty: Phil Edmonds with the ball, Frances Edmonds in the field.
Vaughan & Jones S: Crocked.
Gilo: Why are we pining for a man who averages 40 with the ball and 20 with the bat? Crocked.

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